Drifting apart
by RedRose108
Summary: Jill\Gordon based, set in series 4
1. Chapter 1

**Hello :)**

**Sorry about the last fanfic (denial) I got a bit bored with it, plus it was pretty sh*t as well! This one I think is a lot better and hopefully it will be regularly updated (****_there is nothing worse than a unfinished fanfic!_****) Hope you enjoy reading and please Follow\Fav and review:) xxx**

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"Jill" Gordon spoke softly as he sat down next to her.

"Yes" Jill returned happily, it was late evening they had just put the children to bed without much fuss. The day at work was very much the same, nothing too serious just another day.

"Sorry we couldn't have lunch today you know how it is" Gordon smiled, trying to start a conversation.

She smiled back "it's ok, I wasn't able to make if either in fact, Mrs Lawson went in to labour"

"Really, did it go well?" He questioned

"Yeah it went all to plan, a little gorgeous baby boy" Jill smiled

He wanted to brace the subject, a subject that was barely spoken about these days, putting endless strain on their marriage and making these evenings an awkward time of day.

"Jill sweetheart, I know it's a touchy subject for you but we have to talk about sometimes?" Gordon spoke trying to carefully start the conversation.

"What?" She asked simply but quietly. Starting to feel sick knowing that he was going to talk about it, she didn't want to.

"Children, children of our own..." He paused trying not to intimidate her.

She couldn't answer; she didn't know what to answer with. She knew he was starting to suspect something was wrong with her but she didn't want to have a conversation about it now.

He carefully braced the subject again "look Jill I just want to make sure you're ok, the last thing I want to do is upset you." The male doctor paused again then spoke once more.

"It's just we have been trying for quite a while now and well nothing...nothing seems to be happening" he spoke kindly taking hold of the females smaller hand.

She froze, didn't want to face the truth right now. All her instincts told her run away from this situation. Go somewhere safe were no one could hurt or judge her.

He knew she didn't want to talk about it, but it had to be said. They'd wanted children since they got married and both agreed didn't want to waste any time. The both longed for a big family, especially Gordon, he was now starting to question that.

"I'm really tired Gordon, I'm...I'm going to bed ok?" She spoke quietly with emotion in her voice, standing up abruptly and quickly walking out of the room.

"No Jill! Wait!" He yelled, he knew he had scared her off once again; all he wanted to do is talk about the fact that she wasn't pregnant yet after all this time. Them both being doctors he just wanted to make sure she was alright.

He slowly heaved himself up from the chair and quietly made himself up the stairs and into the bedroom.

It was dark but he could just make out the familiar form of his wide from under the duvet. He dressed himself in his blue pyjamas and eased himself on to the bed. Slid himself under the bed clothes, Jill facing away from Gordon, he slid his hand down her arm and then kissed the female on the cheek, hoping it would tell her he loved her, before settling down to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

It was all she ever wanted to be a mother, something that she always thought could happen when she wanted it to. She learnt the hard way never to take things for granted, it was now something she was thought would never happen.

It wasn't something of a new problem, for Jill this had been happening for a long time now. long before she'd meet Gordon. The fact she couldn't conceive had costed her a relationship, something she'd never tell Gordon about. Her partner had become so frustrated with the fact she wasn't able to get pregnant; he just left and packed his bags one night leaving Jill to deal with the consequences. She'd been to every doctor to find out if there was an explanation for why she couldn't conceive with her partner. In the end they said there was no reason, something that maybe wasn't meant to happen to them.

She was happy when she'd meet Gordon a fresh start for her, when the question children came up she knew it was something she wanted to happen. Optimistic about the outcome, she never thought she would be here now, the same thing happening once again. She knew no one could probably help her get pregnant she tried everything with her last partner but nothing happened.

She couldn't tell Gordon this; anyway she still knew that no one had actually told her that she'd never have children so she still had some hope left. All Gordon wanted to do is take her to the doctor and make sure she was ok, but she feared that she knew what the doctor would say to both of them. She was terrified Gordon would leave her, like her last partner once he knew that her chances of getting pregnant were small. Unable to share her thoughts and feelings with her husband, she just had to hope for a better outcome.

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	3. Chapter 3

"Morning sweetheart" Jill spoke as her husband somewhat wearily walked in to the kitchen.

"Morning" he spoke simply, smiling at the female doctor.

"Do you want a coffee?" She asked as her husband walked up to her, hugging her gently.

"Umm not now, look Jill about last night I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you I just think we should talk about things" he spoke quietly weary of the children in the next room.

"I know, can we not talk about it though" she pleaded, dreading the conversation that is soon to come.

"But Jill you never want to talk about it!" He said slightly raising his voice making Jill tense and uncomfortable.

"Please Gordon, the children!" She mumbled wanting to run away and hide.

He eventually gave in, this was usually the case. When ever he brought up any personal topic she went into denial pretending everything was fine when it clearly wasn't. Daily life was becoming awkward, they barley spoke. He wanted it so badly to go back to how they used to be, but know that vision kept getting further away.

"Ok, ok I'm sorry" He whispered once again hugging his emotional wife.

"Look its the weekend and why don't I drop the kids off at a friends place and we got out for lunch" the male suggested and continued to speak when his wife stayed quiet " come Jill it will be nice, just the two of us"

"I don't really feel like going out today" she simply spoke not looking at the male doctor.

"Right, we will just spend the day at home then" he said, knowing he couldn't force Jill to come out with him.

He wanted to talk to her and he saw this as a good chance, but once again Jill had gotten her way, Gordon was destined for yet another awkward, slow and uneventful day at home with his wife.


	4. Chapter 4

"Dad I had the best day a Jake's house, he even let me play with his model railway" Tom exclaimed as his father let him in to their house.

" that's great Tom" Gordon spoke "how about you Katie did you have a good time?" He question his daughter.

" yeah it was ok, where's Jill daddy?" Katie asked curious about her stepmothers whereabouts.

"Upstairs reading I think" he replied

It was now evening, Jill and Gordon had spent the day at home somehow managing to avoid each other.

"Now you two go and get ready for bed" there farther spoke, continuing to put the bags down and walk up the stairs to his bedroom.

He was surprised to find the room dark and Jill sleeping. Though it was dark he could just about make out his wife's familiar form beneath the duvet. He wasn't convinced she was actually sleeping, some part if him wanted to talk to her, let her know that he knew that she wasn't really sleeping. The other glad, knowing that he wouldn't have to spend another awkward night with her.

He hated himself for thinking like that, but it was the truth. He was so angry at her still so sad that they had turned out like this, barely able to talk. He just couldn't understand her way of thinking, she had been so excited about starting a family, being a mum, but now he was doubting that.

He knew she was hurting it, was clear on her face, this was something the both wanted so badly. He was frustrated at the fact she wouldn't do anything about it, he had tried everything to get her to open up. In Gordon's mind the next logical step for them would be to go and see a doctor who could give them some answers and guidance something the both needed desperately, but she would budge. He could understand why this was something of a big step for Jill, but he felt that she wouldn't even consider it. They we both stuck not knowing what to do next, he could only hope it would get better.

He decided to quietly walk out of his bedroom shutting the bedroom door behind him. Then making his way back down the stairs ready to put Tom and Katie to bed.


	5. Chapter 5

He gone to bed late that night, making sure Jill was fully asleep before he did. It wasn't long be for he notice Jill waking up, her eyes adjusting to the blinding light coming though the un-closed blinds.

"Morning, how long have you been awake?" She asked curios to find out why he was awake this early in the morning.

"Not long, you sleep well? Noticed you went to bed early" the make asked

"Yeah ok I guess, sorry about last night" Jill smiled awkwardly and continued to speak once her husband remained silent " look I'm sorry Gordon" Jill murmured.

"It's ok, I haven't been to lovely either" he laughter tying to lighten up the situation.

"I just want you, is, Tom and Katie to he happy" Jill mumbled trying to fight back the tears.

"Oh sweetheart" he whispered, guiding his had around her back and hugging her tightly "Where are happy just like this, why don't we just forget about all this baby business and just get on with things" he suggested still holding her.

"But... But I don't want to forget about it though" Jill cried

"I'm not saying we give up, I think I'm putting to much pressure on you and we need just to take a break now" he said kindly.

"I just want to have a baby" she cried the desperation in her voice clearly apparent "it's not fair!"

"I know it's not darling, but it will happen" the male comforted Jill as she cried even harder, struggling to find the right words to say " look they are things we can do, we can go and see someone, they might be able to help" he smiled, but Jill instantly dismissing his idea.

"No, no I don't want to!" She said forcefully.

"But why not darling, this is something you want so badly, I can see that, but you won't even help your self!" Gordon spoke telling her his thoughts " I just don't get it"

"Please Gordon you don't understand" she pleading trying to find any excuse not to continue this conversation.

"Of course I don't understand, that's because you don't tell me anything "

He saw her getting more and more upset, he chose not to push her as they had to be at work soon. He didn't want everyone there knowing about their issues.

"Look, just think about it then, Jill?" He asked, while wiping away the tears on his wife's face.

"Ok" she simply said, slowly heaving her self up from the bed and making her way towards the bathroom.

"I'm going to have a shower Gordon" managing a small smile.

"Ok sweetie, I'll get the kids ready for school" he smiled proceeding to kiss his wife's damp cheek, walking out of the bedroom and into the living room, ready to face the day ahead.

**Thank you for all your lovely comments and reviews, I know im not the best writer but it makes it easier when I know people are enjoying my work. Hopefully as I write more, ill improve as well, please review! :) xx**


	6. Chapter 6

She felt she was letting him down, she knew he was right. Still she kept making excuses and getting herself out of it, just delaying the it even further. She needed to make a decision, she didn't know how much more he would take. She had been so horrible to him these past few months

The day had gone slow, but at least it was better than being at home. Work was her only escape theses days, a place she could forget all her troubles. She was sat at her desk writing up various patient notes, her writing becoming blurry and illiterate.

Her thoughts were interrupted by knock at her office door, panic swept though her body hoping it wasn't her husband. She couldn't face another conversation specially at work where anyone could walk in at anytime.

"Hey" the male doctor smiled walking up behind her.

"Gordon" she spoke "What are you doing here, I thought you had patients to see?"

"Um well, I have finished for the day, it is getting late Jill" he laughed siting down beside her.

"Yes, yes Gordon sorry I'm just tired that's all" she smiled

" look jill about that chat we had last night, I just want you to know that I'll support you" he smiled once again

"What do you mean?"

"You said" he sighed before continuing "you said you would think about going to a doctor jill" he took hold of her smaller hand and stroked it lovingly.

"I did" she needed to say something he was desperate for answers"Ok I go" She attempted to smiled at her husband husband releasing she had just opened a whole new can of worms.


	7. Chapter 7

She sat in the living room in a complete daze, Gordon watched her from the doorway. He thought they were making a step forward, but he could see she didn't feel comfortable with the whole situation.

Shed had agreed to go, he understood why she maybe wouldn't want to though, that she might be uncomfortable. He would was worried he was pushing her into this, but on the other hand he knew he was doing the right thing, he had being doing things at her pace but he knew it was the right time to take action. The right thing for both of them.

"Jill" he sat down next to her, wrapping an arm around her back, causing Jill to turn her concentration to her husband.

"Hey, are the children settled?" She asked.

"Yep, look Jill I...I called Ashfordly earlier today" he spoke, carefully bracing the subject.

"Oh really" she attempted to smile.

"Yep, I've arranged an appointment for you...us tomorrow morning" he took hold of her smaller hand, in a attempt to soothe. Continuing to speak after the female remained silent. "Look Jill, she nice and she could help us, and no one has to know we had gone."

"Really?"

"Yes, it would be completely private, and it might give us some answers" he smiled trying to warm her to the idea.

She hated her secrete, knowing that it would eventually come out, the day everything would change between them. He asked again, the same questions and scenarios running through her head all the possibilities, all the things could go wrong. Creating a sick feeling within her stomach. Wanting nothing more to leave.

"Ok Gordon that's fine, I'll be there" she smiled once again, providing a little comfort to the male doctor.

"Good, good them, I've also managed to get us both the day of tomorrow, I thought it would be nice for us to spend a bit of time together, maybe we could go for some lunch after the appointment.." He said, some part of him thinking he should have asked her this before.

"Yeah that would be nice" she spoke, knowing he probably would want to after he found out the truth.

Next Morning

"You ready Jill?" Gordon called from the bottom of the stairs.

"Umm nearly, just got to find a coat Gordon" she called back, while putting on a pair of black heels.

She didn't expect to feel this nervous or scared about today, she knew it wasn't going to pleasant. She contemplated calling it all off, delaying it even longer. But she knew the day had come, they day everything would change.


	8. Chapter 8

The pulled up to the large building, in comparison to 'The royal' the hospital was much larger and more modern than were the two doctors worked, even had their own specialists units, something Jill thought would make a good addition to the royal.

Neatly parking their car, Gordon switched of the engine. He placed a gentle had on his wife's thigh after a few minutes of uneasy silence.

"Jill?" He asked simply, hoping to make her feel more comfortable, he could sense her nerves.

"You ready?" She responded, while opening the car door.

"Yes, yes Jill...come on then"

The building was fairly busy; much like the royal would be at this time of day. They went to the main reception, at meet the kind lady behind the desk, notifying them that their doctor was a little behind schedule.

They sat down together in the waiting room, next to an elderly couple who kindly moved over so they could all sit down. Though Ashfordly was a much bigger hospital, it still had a nice feel about it, and most of the patients were familiar with each other.

They briefly chatted to the couple next to them, the seemed do full of life and happy, even though they are both battling various conditions. Gordon wondered if Jill and he would be as happy as them in the distant future, that couple had been through so much together but still kept the love for each other.

Jill on the other hand was becoming restless, wanting nothing more but to leave. She felt like they'd been waiting forever, but it probably wasn't that long. She cursed herself silently, now thinking she should have spoken to Gordon about her troubles before coming here. It probably was a better idea, knowing that he was just about to be told by someone they've barley meet before. Then again if was to be angry with her, he wouldn't show it in a public place, especially in a hospital, where there were so many people they knew. He was a good man in that sense, he wouldn't never lose his temper at Jill her, even if she'd done something unexplainable. It was what would happen when they got home, she feared most.

"Mrs Ormerod?" A middle aged lady called out into the packed waiting room.

Gordon stood up signalling Jill to follow his steps, they both walked in to the doctor's consultant room.

"Dr Carter, thank you for seeing us at such short notice...it's very kind of you" Gordon smiled, shaking the doctors hand.

"That's fine, take a seat...both of you" the doctor spoke, directing them to sit down.

"Now I've found your records Mrs Ormerod, took me a bit of a while though, I forgot they'd probably still be under Weatherill" the all laughed at the lady's comment.

"Now I'm fully aware on your situation and I hope this won't be too uncomfortable for you" she bit her lip before continuing " I understand that your aware of Jill's past problems, Gordon" she asked.

"No, what problems?...Jill?" Gordon asked puzzled by the woman's remark.

"Sorry I...I just assumed..." She stumbled, feeling slightly regretful.

"No it's ok Doctor, Jill?" He asked again.

Excuse, she needed one. She knew this was going to happened, she had accepted it, but now she didn't want him to find out.

"Oh it's nothing, just I a few accidents I had when I was younger" she spoke; her eyes wide open "isn't it doctor?" She prompted to the doctor, signalling her to keep quiet.

"Right...we...will just start at the basics then, umm Mrs Ormerod would you mind getting comfortable on my examining table and Mr Ormerod would you mind leaving us.." She spoke standing up.

"I'll...I'll be fine Gordon.." Jill smiled at Gordon, as he hesitantly left the room.

"Ok then... I'll just be outside Jill" he smiled back, still slightly confused about the situation.

Jill lay down on the examining couch soon to be joined by the doctor; there was a certain feeling of tenseness in the room.

"Sorry if I put my foot in it earlier... I just stupidly assumed that you would have told him." The doctor smiled, standing next to the other female doctor.

"It's ok,"

"Jill...do u mind if I call you Jill?"

"No, it's fine"

"Jill I really think you should tell him, it would make things a lot clearer and easier for both of you..." Dr Carter spoke.

"I know...but it's too late now, I don't know how he would react"

"Jill if he loves you as much as I can see, he would be fine once you explained thing to him"

"Look Jill, we don't know if anything is even wrong, according to your record you never had any follow up sessions, is that right?" doctor Cater asked, Jill nodded in response.

"Okay then, Jill your obviously still very much affected by what's happened in the past, that's to be expected but the follow up sessions would of helped you through that, and given you some answers."

"I didn't want answers, I just wanted to forget and move on! But...but now with all this other stuff, it's all coming back to me" She said, trying to fight back the forthcoming tears.

"I know...but in my opinion you need to get the answers now, they will give you closure. And about having more children, I wouldn't give up hope Jill"

"I don't know, I just want to make Gordon happy, and he wants us to have children...I can't even give him that" Jill sat up, now directly facing the other doctor.

"That's what Gordon wants, what about you?"

"Of course I want it, but it's never going to happen"

"I'm not so sure, from the little tests you did have, it detected no problems after the miscarriages and the other problems...so I think you may of just been unluckily...Jill," still Jill remained quiet, believing the worst.

"How about we do some more tests, and see where that leaves us ok? And Jill tell Gordon... He going to have to find out sooner or later" she smiled placing a genteel hand on her shoulder.

Please let me know what you think:)


	9. Chapter 9

Half an hour later, they had finished all of the tests and Jill had made another appointment to come back in several days. They'd talked about her options and Jill felt more at ease with the situation, and even was thinking of telling Gordon about her past/worries. She knew she end up sobbing and crying, seeking Gordon comfort at the end of it, something she hating doing, a weakness in her eyes. Still she knew it would be for the best. Dr Carter had put things in perspective for Jill, telling Jill it wasn't as bad as it seemed; something Dr Carter was right about.

"Thanks for seeing me" Jill smiled as the stood in the door way of her office, Gordon walking up behind them,

"My pleasure" she responded, happy that she could she Jill brightening up.

"You ok Jill?" Gordon asked noticing her teary eyes, he could always tell when Jill was upset, even if no one else could.

"Yes Gordon..." She smiled

"No...no everything's fine, we did a few tests and the results should be back soon, but I doubt they will show anything significant" Dr carter spoke before wandering back into her office, Jill and Gordon both thanked the doctor before they waked back into the busy reception.

"You sure everything's fine Jill?...you just look a bit upset..,?" He spoke quietly as so no one could over hear them.

"Yes…I just got a bit overwhelmed that's all...but we will talk more when we get home ok" she smiled walking toward the entrance of the hospital.

"Jill…here is the keys...I just have to go to the bathroom, I won't be long..." Gordon said, handing the car keys over to Jill.

"Ok then..." She responded as she walked outside towards the car.

He lied, something he hated doing specially to his own wife. But something just didn't add up, he'd heard things while he was outside, nothing clearly but something told him that she was keeping things from him. With a suspicious mind he wandered towards the main reception, determined to find out the truth.

"Ah Jane isn't it?" Gordon smiled as her spoke to the young lady behind the desk.

"Yes it is! Your doctor Ormerod aren't you, sorry didn't we meet a couple of years ago at the charity ball at The Royal?" She smiled

"Yes that's right, lovely to see you again Jane...look umm do you by any chance have a copy of Jill Weatherill's medical records? She's a patient of mine and I can't find them at the royal" he smiled, hoping his reason was convincible enough.

"Yes, Dr Carter just brought them back, here you are, but doctor I will need them back" she smiled, obvious to the fact Gordon was now married to the so called 'patient'.

"Thanks a lot, it's very kind of you, got to leave now, but it was lovely to see you again" he smiled, relief swept through him knowing he gotten away with it. You shouldn't really be giving away confidential records to people, but luckily Jane was happy to make an exception.

"You too doctor" Jane responded, before speaking to the next patient.

He quickly walked back to the car, some guilt within him.

"What took you so long?" She laughed as Gordon climes into the car, sliding the brown envelope containing Jill records into his blazer pocket.

"Sorry just got a bit held up, you ready to go?"

"Ah yes..." She smiled, gently placing a kiss on his check, feeling a lot more optimistic about the future, unknown to her it was all about to become a lot worse for both of them. 

Please let me know your thoughts and comments:) thank you!


	10. Chapter 10

Gordon walked out the back door of their house; it was a lovely afternoon, sunny and a nice cool breeze. There wasn't much noise around, mostly because all of the children were at their chosen schools. They'd both decided to spend the remaining afternoon together at home.

Gordon sat himself down next to Jill, who was sitting at their outdoor table. He'd yet to open the records, he still didn't know if it was the right thing at all, he'd wait a bit before opening them, have a talk with Jill and the re-evaluate the situation. He still had guilt washing through his body, those were confidential, not even him should have the right to open them without the others permission. Then and the other hand he felt that he was been left in the dark about certain things, he just wanted to know the truth.

"Dr carter seemed like a nice lady?" He spoke trying to form a conversation.

"Yeah she did, look Gordon I'm sorry again about earlier...at the doctors" she smiled, feeling like she had to explain her actions.

"No..no it's fine, just want to know if you're ok Jill? I just care about you.." Gordon placed a genteel over Jill's smaller one.

"I know Gordon, but I'm feeling better about things, I really am" Jill gave Gordon a smile, reassuring Gordon all was well, but it only proved to made him more suspicious.


	11. Chapter 11

Gordon walked into the kitchen, where Jill was making a cup of tea for herself. It was evening and he had just successfully put the children to bed with the added trouble of course. He had even brought himself to open Jill's medical records, though now some part wish he hadn't.

How dare she keep such information from him, surely she should have told him. He felt sad for her, all the things she had to go through. It all became clear for him, the hesitation to go to a doctor. How upset she became about the situation, he himself had different feelings rushing through his body at once make a sick feeling within him.

He thought he knew everything about his wife, she certainly did about him. He felt angry with her, keeping it all from him. Was she scared of how he'd react? Gordon just didn't know. He'd thought about what he would do next, though he loved Jill he still couldn't help feel intense anger towards her at this time, unfortunately that's what took over.

"Clinical, postnatal depression, miscarriages...anything else you'd like to tell me Jill?" She froze at the sound of his words, the harshness in his tone. She slowly turned around and replied.

"Gordon, please look I can explain" she pleaded with the unhappy man opposite herself.

"Why didn't you tell me Jill? I could have helped you!"

"I don't know, look please can we sit down?"

"You know everything about me Jill, we have been married for over a year and you didn't think this may be important."

"I'm sorry" she cried, starting to get upset.

"Are you still being treated for the depression...?"

"No obviously not, I think you would of guessed Gordon!"

"We'll I don't know Jill, I don't seem to know anything about you!"

"Don't be silly Gordon!"

"I'm not Jill..."

The stood in silence for a while, she couldn't face talking any further. She had never seen this side of Gordon before, it was a side she didn't like.

She continued to plead forgiveness with him, but he wasn't having it. She told him she was going to bed; Gordon made no move to follow after her. He thought about running after her, hugging her tightly and telling her it would all be ok, but there was this anger stopping him doing anything rational. He eventually made his way to their bedroom, got undressed and slipped himself into bed. Jill was distraught, a part of her thought he would forgive her, but Gordon did no such thing.


	12. Judgement Day

Jill woke, slowing adjusting to her surroundings. There was a brief few seconds when she felt everything was prefect, then it dawned on her. The last days came flooding back to her, and she remembered. Turning to look next to her she meet a sleeping Gordon, looking peaceful and content. Something Jill missed, after last night she was unsure she would ever see it again. The harshness in his voice scared her and his words that were spoken with no emotion, displayed his anger.

It was still early and they both didn't need to be up for another half hour, still Jill heaved her self off the bed, careful not the wake the other occupant of the bed. She slowly tip toed out of her bedroom and down the stairs.

The day went slowly with out many interruptions, the spare time gave her time to think. Maybe that wasn't such a good thing, instead it just seemed to make her more insecure about things. She had left early this morning and making her way to work, where she could catch up on some much needed paper work.

She kept replaying last nights events in her head, only if she could if had a chance to talk, she could of explained to him. But Gordon didn't want to hear it, clearly already making up his mind and letting nothing change it. Jill wished she had spoke to him sooner, told him about her troubles. Maybe all of this could of being avoided.

There was so much more to the problems to what her records, the betrayal and devastation she went through with her last partner, scaring her for life. She was hesitant to emotionally commit to Gordon, the past events making her hesitant to marry him, even causing her to change the subject when he in all seriousness broached the subject of marriage. Though it was nothing personal to Gordon, she was scared to be hurt again.

That afternoon she was due to pick up her results from the doctor, not that it mattered much anymore. In her eyes, she feared their relationship was over.


	13. Reality Bites

"Gordon, I won't be home to late tonight...I've got the doctors appointment and the I thought I might do this weeks shopping if you can pick Tom and Katie up from school?" She said as she joined her husband in the corridor leading to reception.

"Yep that's ok Jill...ah lizzie can I have patient notes for after lunch please" he smiled at the receptionist as she handed over the rather large stack of patient files.

Jill sighed with relief, the hadn't spoken since last night and jill was worried he was going to continue to upset her at work. Though Gordon would never dream of doing such a thing, whatever was happening in his personal life he would never take it to work with him.

"Right I'm off then lizzie...ill see you tomorrow" she smiled.

"Bye doctor Weatherill...enjoy your afternoon of" Lizzie said in her usual cheery voice, as the female doctor made her way out of the building.

"Ah doctor Ormerod I left one, er...her it is" she raised her voice as the doctor started his way back to his office.

"Thanks lizzie" Gordon spoke, as he made his way back.

He couldn't stand another day like this one, it was clear to him that he had deeply upset her. He felt bad not coming with her to the appointment, he knew she could of done with the support. Still the anger with in him was stopping him from doing anything but push her further away.


	14. Too Little Too Late

She drove to the newly familiar building, parking her green mini perfectly into the chosen parking place. Though these results didn't matter anymore she thought, she still felt considerably nervous about the outcome. In wasn't a long until her appointment, still she choose to say seated in her trusted mini. In some way she thought it would be best to move away from Gordon, to save her from anymore heartbreak. But most of her wanted nothing more than to make everything okay again. She thought about it deeply, careful analysing ever single option she had, mostly causing her already annoying headache to intensify.

She walked into the vase building, immediately hit with the familiar smell of hospitals, though she was used to it. Jill sat herself down in the waiting room, feeling slightly nervous. She secretly wished Gordon was here, he would be able to calm her, put things in perspective. He was good at things like that, after all he was a doctor. Care and compassion was a much needed trait in that particular profession. She was only starting to realise all of the things she would miss about him.

She waited longer than she had hoped, a waiting room full of people with bugs and colds, something she could do without this summer.

"Jill..."

"Yes" she followed the Doctor into her consultant room.

"How are you Jill?" Dr Carter smiled as she directed the younger female to sit down.

"Fine...yes fine" she sighed, wanting to get on with things.

"You sure you look a bit tired"

"We'll things are just a bit difficult at the moment"

"No Gordon today?" The doctor spoke noticing the absents of her patients husband.

"No...he's at work" she gave a slight smile.

"Right, I've had your results back"

"Yes" she asked attentively, keen to get to the point.

"We'll everything seems perfectly fine, but their is one thing"

"Ok, what is it?" She asked, starting to feel nervous and uncomfortable. She fiddled with her wedding ring, something she did when she was anxious, it gave her something to focus on.

"You're pregnant"


	15. Love, Pain & the Whole Damn Thing

"Jill did you hear me?" Dr carter spoke when the other female made no response too her remark.

Her body slightly shaking and the doctor was sure she could see tears forming in the females eyes, not tears of happiness, tears of despair.

Dr Carter pushed himself up from her desk and walked around to distressed Jill. Kneeling down besides her and placing a hand on Jill's shoulder.

"What's the matter?" She asked as Jill continued to sob, unable to hide her emotions anymore.

"Jane our receptionist got your records back today, said a doctor Ormerod had borrowed our copy, I take it he knows about things now"

Jill only nodded in response, desperately trying to compose herself. Too many questions running through her head, so many problems. It was all most impossible for her to compose herself, the more she thought about it the more it worried her. She should be happy, they should be happy. Gordon should be here with her,this would of being the end of all their problems, a new start for them both. Instead Gordon had refused to come with her, saying he had to work. Signalling to Jill that she wasn't that important to him anymore.

"Gordon doesn't care anymore" Jill managed to mumble out between sobs.

"I doubt that very much Jill, he is probably just angry" she smiled, trying to provide any comfort the upset female.

"You...you don't know that"

"Look why don't I call him...get him to come over, I'll make sure he understands"

"No, don't please...it'll just make things worse" Jill refused her offer, immediately dismissing it. "I..I just want to go home, please" she pleaded.

"Jill I don't think that's a good idea, your tired and upset and I still have things to talk to you about"

"I'll come back another day, look I really just want to go" she smiled, pushing herself up from the chair. Immediately dizziness engulfing her.

"Jill? Look sit down please, can we just talk about it hey?" The doctor spoke, Noticing Jill's distressed state.


	16. Pushed to the Limit

Ignoring doctor Carter Jill continued to make her way out of her office, the dizziness on continuing to intensify with every move. Her body couldn't stand straight no longer, she could feel her legs giving way. Sending her falling heavily onto her knees and hitting her head hard on the surrounding wall.

" Jill!" Dr Carter rushed forward, upon seeing the situation in front of her.

"Can you hear me Jill" still there was no response from the female, her face taking on a more pale colour.

The doctor checked for a pulse on the young female, and was relived to feel there was one and that it was relatively normal.

"Can someone get some help please!"

* * *

"What happened?" Another doctor asked as the examined Jill, still unconscious and unaware of anything happening around her.

"I don't know, she was dizzy and then she fainted, the cut in her head will need to be seen to nurse" the doctor spoke, remaining a calm composure while trying to come to a conclusion about the patient lying in front of her.

"And some one will need to call her husband, eh he's a doctor at the royal"

* * *

Completely obvious to the situation unfolding at Ashfordly, Gordon sat in his office. He had considered going over too Ashfordly to meet her, thus he wanted to be with her, still he thought it would be best to stay here.

He kept replaying everything that had happened in the lat few months, the wrong things they both did. He of course still loved Jill and wanted to support her through anything and everything. I suppose that is what made him so angry, that Jill didn't see him as someone he could talk too, confide in. All the things she kept from him, made him feel more and more upset for Jill, the anger once in him turning in to worry and confusion.


	17. Where There's Smoke

Gordon sat at his desk, his pile of paperwork scattered around him. Watching the time slowly moving past him. The last weeks had given him a lot to think about, his own feeling changing the way he thought his life was heading.

He heard a knock on the door, he sighed. Not wanting any particular company at this moment in time.

"Come in" he eventually responded. Wanting to look like he had been using his time productively, he began tidying his paper work.

"Dr Ormerod" A older lady spoke, a voice he recognised. A voice of authority and warmth.

"Matron how can I help you?" Gordon smiled at the tall women dressed all in blue. His once scattered paper work, now neatly placed in a small pile.

"We'll I've just had a rather strange call from Ashfordly...a Doctor Carter called" she began, Gordon taking in all of her words. Wondering what this could be about. Matron continued to speak.

"She said she needed you to come to Ashfordly rather urgently, she didn't mention much else"

"Are you sure she didn't mention anything else" her asked out if curiosity, naturally wanting to have more information.

"No, only for you not to worry"

His mind started to flood with ideas and situations, most if them utterly ridiculous. He wondered if something was wrong or something had happened to Jill. But he thought it would be most likely nothing, probably Dr Carter wanting to scuds the results with them both.

"We'll I better get going then matron, could please ask Dr Goodwin to cover for me" he sat up, walking with matron out of his office.

"Of course doctor. Call if there are any problems"


	18. A Little Knowledge

"Jill!" Gordon pushed past a group of young nurses, running as fast as his feet would take him to Ashfordly's casualty department.

"Gordon, it alright. Just can calm down for me, it's not helping anyone." Dr Carter spoke still attending to Jill.

"I don't understand, what's happened?" He asked, putting his hand to his head.

"Gordon please can you just go and wait in my office, i'll be with you in a bit"

He walked reluctantly out of the busy room, continuing to walk down the unfamiliar corridors. Gordon opened the door to the doctors office, sighing heavily when he sat down. Guilt swept through his body, he had no idea what had happened.

He had been told very little, only walking into the hospital to be told his wife had been taken ill. Something he wasn't expecting at that time.

It had been a mere 15 minutes, though it felt like hours since he had sat down. Gordon scanned the room, observing the layout. It was quite different than his own office, much larger and organised. He looked at a photo on the desk, a photo of Dr Carter and a man, a man Gordon could only assume was her husband.

Something caught his eye, a sheet of paper laying out of place on the doctors desk, he knew he shouldn't snoop around in someone else's paper work. Still something urged him to pick it up.

His eyes scanned the paper, recognising that it was test results. Results that belonged to Jill.


	19. Too Close for Comfort

"Gordon" Dr Carter walked into the room, siting behind her desk.

"Jill is she alright? I read the results, I had no idea she...she was pregnant." He bowed his head, sighing heavily, regretting the last few weeks.

"We had a fight, I said all sorts to her, called her horrible things, I can't believe I've been like that...I" Dr cater cut Gordon off, he was expertly upset and shocked. She felt the need to reassure him.

"That doesn't matter now okay...you can go and see Jill if you want." She smiled taking his hand.

"She's awake, I think she was just tired and worked up. But she's okay, just hit her head rather hardly." Gordon looked up, glad to Jill was ok.

* * *

"Jill, sweetheart" Gordon quietly into the room, happy to see his wife. She smiled back.

"Gordon, you...you came" She whispered, still exhausted from the days events.

"Of course I did" Gordon laughed, trying to lighten the mood. He sat himself next to her on the hospital bed.

"I'm sorry Gordon, I really am" She stated, her emotion clear through her voice.

"Hey it's ok, I should be the one apologising. I've been so horrible to you these past weeks" he stroked her cheek, wiping away any forthcoming tears.

It hurt him to see her so upset, knowing his actions had probably contributed to it. In someway he felt better, his guilt not as strong. Though the still had a long way to go, he felt this could be a fresh start for all of them.


	20. A Whole Lot to Lose

Gordon had stayed over night with Jill, giving them time to talk. Try to get to an conclusion. The had both made mistakes, but they were adamant that they wanted to make their marriage work, even more now that Jill was pregnant. Something Gordon and Jill had wanted for a long time.

Jill had fallen asleep early in the morning, from pure exhaustion. Gordon still stayed with her, wanting to be close to her. After how cold he had acted towards her he felt a need to make it up.

They had discussed quite a lot, mostly about the future. Gordon told Jill not to worry about the past, put it behind them. Though some things they couldn't. Gordon knew Jill was going to have a hard time, everything in her past to be brought back up again.

He didn't exactly know what Jill was feeling, about the future, the baby. He could only guess that she was worried, only because he was too.

* * *

"How are you feeling today" Gordon spoke as he entered the room. It was now midday, the sun shone bright through the open curtains.

"Tired, I just want to go home" She stood up to face Gordon, taking his hand as she did so.

He pulled her into I tight hug, signalling that he understood her.

The doctors had said Jill could go home today, on the promise that she would rest and drink lots of fluids.

Gordon was glad she was to be coming home, he thought it would give himself time to redeem himself to her.

"We are alright aren't we?" She asked, nervously looking down as she asked.

Smiling he spoke. "Yeah we are, come on let's get you home."


	21. Critical Pressure

The car journey was short but still Jill felt an awkward atmosphere within the car. Something she expected. She didn't know how she felt about the baby. Of course she was happy, well at least some part of her was. Maybe if her marriage was in a better place she could feel more at ease with the news, if something went wrong she would fully know Gordon would be there to support her. But now, at this point in time she doubted everything.

Her biggest fear that she would relapse, the depression would force it's way back after she had the baby. Spoiling everything for all of them. Maybe if Gordon was there he could help her work though it, but she reckoned he would never fully trust her again.

"You need a hand?" He asked as he opened the car door for Jill.

"No Im fine" she stood up and smiled at her husband, who hand took hold of her hand.

" Katie, Tom were home" Gordon called into the house as the arrived at the front door.

"Dad, Jill!" Katie and Tom both called running straight to their patents. Both of them giving Jill and Gordon various kisses and hug.

"Is Jill better now?" Tom asked curiously, it had only been a night Jill had been away. Too Katie and Tom it felt a lot longer.

"Yes she is, aren't you Jill?" He responded turning the question too Jill. Noticing she hadn't said anything.

"Yeah I'm feeling fine, look I'm going to have a quick shower. I'll be down in a bit" she smiled planting a kiss in her husbands check, before continuing up the stairs to the bathroom.


	22. Sins of the Past

"Do you want a glass?" Gordon asked pointing to the newly opened bottle of red wine. Jill looked at him slightly surprised at the same time a little laugh escaping her lips.

"Sorry, stupid question..." Gordon said feeling embarrassed.

"It's alright, Gordon can you just sit down. You have been like this all evening"

"Sorry, sorry...I just think we need to talk, but I understand if your tired" he said siting down next to Jill.

"I know...we do don't we.."

"It's not that I don't trust you, I just want to know how you're feeling. I think we should just start fresh. I still love you Jill, ill never stop loving you." He smiled, Gordon's words bringing tears to Jills eyes.

"I'm scared" She simply whispered, Gordon moving her to lean against him.

"I understand, but it will be alright." He held her tighter, Jill relaxing in his embrace.

"I'm sorry for keeping all those things from you...I just couldn't tell you. I was worried"

"Why Jill?"

"I was scared you'd get angry, I just couldn't face it. I'm sorry"

"I know you are, I'll be here from now on, you just have to talk to me Jill."

He continued to assure her that he would support her in the coming months, no matter want happened. Jill also expresses her fears for the future and spoke about past events. Particular relationships.

Gordon was shocked by some of the things Jill mentioned. Things he'd would of never guessed and never did in the time they had known each other. He still felt some angry towards her, though he wished he didn't. Still some of that anger was for himself as well, how could if he not known all of this?

He kept going over the past weeks, he could see then he was upsetting Jill considerably. But now with all of the extra things she would of had with her as well. It hurt him to realise how that would of made her feel.

They both agreed to move on, try and make things work for them all. Gordon knew Jill was going to find it hard, especially after the baby was born. It was clear to him that she already doubted herself as a good mother figure to Katie and Tom, he didn't know how she would feel with a child of her own. It was only now he fully understood why.

"I'm happy Gordon, I mean about the baby" Jill broke the silence after moments of silent but comfortable time.

"So am I, really happy He smiled back, the happiness clear in both of their faces.

For along time in a while both Jill and Gordon were happy and comfortable about the future.


	23. Fractured

"Where's my school book" Katie asked, standing next to Jill at the kitchen bench.

"I'm not sure...go and have another look upstairs. Breakfast will be ready when you come back down" Replied Jill, smiling at the young child.

"You got up early" Gordon walked into the kitchen, placing a hand on his wife's arm.

"Well I couldn't sleep, plus these two were already up" Jill smiled, referring to Tom and Katie who had just re entered the kitchen.

"I found my book Jill" Kate enthusiastically spoke, siting down next to her brother at the kitchen table.

"That's great, eat your breakfast and ill be back down in a bit to take you to school." She walked out of the kitchen into the hallway, Gordon following after her.

"Jill, you know we'll have to tell them" Gordon caught Jills arm as she tribe to walk up the stairs, discouraging her to continue.

"Can't we wait I just"Jill said, Gordon sighing as she did so.

"Just what? It's not exactly something we can keep to our selfs forever." Gordon smiled, moving his hands to rest upon her waist.

He continued to speak when Jill remained silent.

"Look you are bound to feel worried, I realise the baby has come at a difficult time in relationship but I love you Jill ." Gordon's words provided comfort to Jill, relaxing more into his embrace.

"II promise" Gordon spoke once more, hugging Jill tightly.

"You promise" She teased, managing too keep her humorous side. Even when she had her doubts. Gordon released her from his hug, looking straight into Jill's eyes.

"Yes I do"


	24. Trusting you

"They've taken the news well, seem really excited."

"Yeah they do, well at least that's one thing we don't have to worry about"

Jill spoke as she sat herself down next to Gordon.

"Tom and Katie will enjoy having a baby around"

"Yeah, but I still don't now why we could of waited a bit longer. You know before we told them"

"Maybe, but there's no point keeping then from them. Plus like you said, it's now one less thing we have to think about"

"I don't know Gordon...what if it all goes wrong. What if I'm a bad mother?"

"You won't be, I'm sure of that."

"What about if we don't work out, a baby...well it just complicates things"

"Jill don't think like that, please" Gordon sighed.

"But really Gordon a week ago you were ready to leave me, and if it wasn't for the baby you probably would of left"

"That's not true, the baby made me even surer that I was doing the wrong thing, pushing us apart. Even before I knew you were pregnant I had made up my mind. Jill I love you, nothing will ever come between that"

"But I lied to you, we lost trust in each other. That's important in a marriage. I know that better than anyone!"

Jill let out her frustration, all her feeling mixing together. Making it hard to come to any conclusions at all.

"That doesn't matter anymore, please Jill don't worry about me. I just want you to be happy, cause I am"

"I am happy" Jill smiled, the tears clear in her eyes. The tears a mixture of both happiness and sadness.

"I'm happy about this baby, having it with you, us having our own child. I just can't help but feel...it's not how you wanted it to be. We should be excited, discussing baby names. Instead were trying to see if our I relationship will work..."

"I know it's not ideal, but I can assure you Jill that we will be fine. All three of us"

He moved closer to her, placing his hand on top of hers. He could she she was scared, worried about the future. He was too, but underneath it all was a feeling of happiness, a feeling they both shared.


	25. Happy Birthday

**Just been reading through this and my other fics and due to been busy I have been rushing the proof reading and have just found a few rather embarrassing grammatical and spelling mistakes. So sorry about that:) Like I said I have been busy and this chapter has been done in a bit of a rush. I apologise in advance for any mistakes;) As usual any reviews and comments are always greatly appreciated. **

"Is he still asleep?" Jill asked as Tom and Katie ran into the kitchen.

"Yes, but Tom tripped over and nearly woke him." Katie replied, intrigued by the plans Jill had for today.

"It was Katie who left her shoes there, I wouldn't of tripped if she hadn't " Tom explained, eagerly watching his step mothers actions.

"That's okay, now who want to decorate the cake?" Both Katie and Tom jumped for the chance to help out.

"The icing is on the bench, don't put to much on though"

Jill pointed in the direction of the icing, before running into the hallway. She opened the draw from the table, taking out a brown paper bag. She discretely pulled the item out, a long dark blue case, with the colour gold tracing around the edges of the box.

Opening the case reviled a simple but expensive looking watch. A watch Jill thought would be a perfect present for her husband on his birthday. It was a simply designed watch, consisting of a black strap and a silver face. But of course with the added brand name printed on the face of the watch as well. Giving it it's added value.

Placing it back into the bag and processing back to the kitchen, Jill put the present on the kitchen table.

"We're finished!" Both Tom and Katie exclaimed from behind Jill.

"It looks great, now quickly put it in the cupboard and we will surprise dad with it when he comes back from work."

She told Tom and Katie to get ready for school afterwards, it wasn't long before Gordon found his way into the kitchen. His eyes immediately met Jill, dressed smartly in her work outfit, same as himself.

"Morning" Gordon spoke as he walked up behind his wife, wrapping his hands around her waist.

"Ah Gordon" Jill quickly turned around, trying her best to disclose the bag behind her.

"What are you up to" he sounded bemused, watching Jill's actions carefully.

"Nothing...Gordon..."

Jill continued "Well if I remember correctly it is a certain someone's birthday today."

She revealed the package from behind her back, handing it to Gordon. Taking it from Jill's hands he exposed the watch in its casing.

"Happy Birthday Love"


	26. A Little Magic

"Thanks for today, it was lovely" Gordon smiled at his wife, while taking a sip from his glass.

Jill smiled back at him. She was sat opposite Gordon in a rather fancy restaurant. They'd had a rather uneventful day at work, and Gordon had come home to a surprise celebration from the children. Before been taken out too dinner by Jill later in the evening. Gordon never liked to make a big fuss about these things but couldn't complain about the lovely quiet evening he was having with Jill.

"I thought you'd enjoy it" Jill said, she too had enjoyed the evening. It was nice to spend some quality time with just each other. No interruptions. Something they both barley got time for.

"You were quite right" he replied, the evening had given both of them time too clear their heads and relax for once. The last few months giving them a lot to think about.

"I do love you Gordon. You know that" She smiled, letting her emotions get the better of her.

"I know that, I've never doubted that" Gordon said, looking directly into a teary eyed Jill.

"Don't cry please" he laughed, placing his hand on top of hers.

"I can't help it. I was worried about tonight you know, if we would feel comfortable with one each other." She spoke, taking a deep breathe before continuing.

"But I did, and honestly really enjoyed it. I just can't believe I nearly gave all of it up" she spoke, trying her best not to draw attention to her self. After all they were in a public place.

"Oh Jill, we will never lose what we have. I'm sure of it and now we have wonderful things to look forward to" he tightened his grip on her smaller hand, knowing things could only get better.

"I know, it's just now I'm sure that everything will be okay and I'm just so relived and really just so happy" she smiled, the time spent with her husband wasn't awkward or uncomfortable. But the complete opposite. It was how they used to be, fully at ease with each other. His kindness bringing tears to her eyes like it once did, it making her feel warm inside. Something she feared she would never experience again from him. It was just like when they first met, but even better.

"I feel that too, relived and excited. Excited for the future. Our future together"


End file.
